So we are to write, or was asked to write, to answer the question 'What are you here to do?'. I've had several drafts of my response to this question but haven't gotten far. Or, maybe I have gotten far but it seems a jarbled bunch of words of response.
Then this morning I found out that a girl that I went to high-school with and played softball with in 5th grade and 6th grade and some in high-school - a friend, but one that I did not stay in touch with - has throat cancer which has now spread to her lungs and lymph nodes. She just had a baby a month ago.
Memories of her in school and us as kids have been flooding back all this morning and my heart not only breaks because of the most likely outcome of this but that her baby girl will not have her mother here. She will have to depend on the memories of those around her. The whole thing breaks my heart.
This question that was posed, has new meaning for me this morning or maybe, after reading my drafts, some things that I have been thinking about are now at the forefront of my thinking versus somewhere jarbled in the middle. The past few days, we have been coming up with various scenarios of what to do once my husband is laid-off...and other entry-level jobs that we wanted in the aviation/helicopter world are now out of reach due to minimum requirements being upped. We have had a strong pull to go back to KC but our commitment has to be with his career. Thinking about starting a school in KC so that he can get additional hours, etc., me find a decent job...I will stop there. Just understand that we have a lot of plates in the air right now.
Last night I watched something that made me want to leave the US and live elsewhere. It came at a good time due to contemplating some other opportunities outside the US for my husband. It got me to thinking...I've been wanting to stay home with my son for quite a while now. I've been taking steps to declutter our life and live a simple life. I've been wanting to just concentrate on my family and creating a good life for us. Right now though - with student loans, credit card bills, house payments, car payments, health care payments...well, how do I get to where I want without the fear of losing it all?
I think the answer to the question 'What are you here to do?' is right in front of me. I am here to support my family. To make sure that each day I have with them is a great day. To not worry about the things at work. To make sure that I am the one that will tuck them in bed at night or lie next to them. To make love to my husband. To cherish and to remind my friends and family that we have one shot at this - make it something that you want, not what is expected of you.
The question became very simple really.
I hope that my old friend has cherished everything. I'm sure that she has. I'm sure because she has always been like that. And I have to thank her.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Posed Question: What did you come here to do?
Obviously, I did not come here to finish this post as it has now been 3 weeks since I started it. I am here to be a smart-alec, of course! To be mysterious, intimidating, immoveable and stubborn and amazing... or so I've heard. La, la, la.
I had to chuckle at the question because of the warped path my brain took in answering it. The question made me think of my brother & myself. It made me think of our separate personalities and the vastly different ways we are able to navigate this life. It made me think of his frustration with me as a little sister which is actually a two-fold admiration. I think he holds me in high regards most of the time but has no clue in the understanding of how I am.
I consider my brother a "searcher". Even when given the answer, he would still look further. He has this unsatisfaction to him, an unacceptance. He, however, has not figured out to use this in a positive light. We're not talking about striving to prove something wrong...more like "the world is wrong". I hope in his next life he learns how to "just be".
As far back as I can remember, I've always been a self-entertained child. I know I was inquisitive to some extent because I now consider myself fairly intelligent and know my parents were/are of the teaching sort. I would have had to be curious about things. I also know that I thought a lot. I would take information and "go away for processing". And then I would play. =) I had/have a lot of acceptance with things. I tie a lot of nature into everyday processes & I associate animal interaction with human interaction. I've learned that I have a delayed reaction with situations because it allows me to avoid reacting the unnecessary way and to have time to see more about the circumstances that may be hidden. I do have brief and fleeting struggles with the way I am occasionally as I wonder if I should be "doing more." I worry about my lack of drive to be at the top of the ladder in business, or wasting my potential. Like I said - fleeting. I know I can prop that ladder up against my house and climb to the top any day. I know I can absolutely kill the business world and explode my potential. I also know I would be unhappy in the rat-race. It's the checks and balances that we all have to have with ourselves - to be able to know ourselves, make decisions for our happiness and to have acceptance that we are doing the right thing. The truths are the hinges.
Most of today's society will not understand or accept simplicity. The media and advertising bombards us with solutions for "problems" that we have, (or will soon have because we're thinking about it constantly with the commercials blared every 5 minutes). We are taught to "strive for the best", "climb to the top", "give it your all", "get in there and just do it". While I certainly agree, these ideas are positive and must be tried in certain situations...they should not be the fabric of our daily lives. They've created the "super woman" of the 21st century that has no time for anything. I think this has been the foundation of the stress level of today's society. Initially, these mantras or mentalities may be the cause for our progression in industry, business, global communication, and every innovation of the 21st century but when do we slow down and have our "Sunday"? Where is the day of rest?
So here is my answer to the question "What did you come here to do?"
Simply put: "To be."
I had to chuckle at the question because of the warped path my brain took in answering it. The question made me think of my brother & myself. It made me think of our separate personalities and the vastly different ways we are able to navigate this life. It made me think of his frustration with me as a little sister which is actually a two-fold admiration. I think he holds me in high regards most of the time but has no clue in the understanding of how I am.
I consider my brother a "searcher". Even when given the answer, he would still look further. He has this unsatisfaction to him, an unacceptance. He, however, has not figured out to use this in a positive light. We're not talking about striving to prove something wrong...more like "the world is wrong". I hope in his next life he learns how to "just be".
As far back as I can remember, I've always been a self-entertained child. I know I was inquisitive to some extent because I now consider myself fairly intelligent and know my parents were/are of the teaching sort. I would have had to be curious about things. I also know that I thought a lot. I would take information and "go away for processing". And then I would play. =) I had/have a lot of acceptance with things. I tie a lot of nature into everyday processes & I associate animal interaction with human interaction. I've learned that I have a delayed reaction with situations because it allows me to avoid reacting the unnecessary way and to have time to see more about the circumstances that may be hidden. I do have brief and fleeting struggles with the way I am occasionally as I wonder if I should be "doing more." I worry about my lack of drive to be at the top of the ladder in business, or wasting my potential. Like I said - fleeting. I know I can prop that ladder up against my house and climb to the top any day. I know I can absolutely kill the business world and explode my potential. I also know I would be unhappy in the rat-race. It's the checks and balances that we all have to have with ourselves - to be able to know ourselves, make decisions for our happiness and to have acceptance that we are doing the right thing. The truths are the hinges.
Most of today's society will not understand or accept simplicity. The media and advertising bombards us with solutions for "problems" that we have, (or will soon have because we're thinking about it constantly with the commercials blared every 5 minutes). We are taught to "strive for the best", "climb to the top", "give it your all", "get in there and just do it". While I certainly agree, these ideas are positive and must be tried in certain situations...they should not be the fabric of our daily lives. They've created the "super woman" of the 21st century that has no time for anything. I think this has been the foundation of the stress level of today's society. Initially, these mantras or mentalities may be the cause for our progression in industry, business, global communication, and every innovation of the 21st century but when do we slow down and have our "Sunday"? Where is the day of rest?
So here is my answer to the question "What did you come here to do?"
Simply put: "To be."
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Ahhhh....
I was really hoping that my motivation factor would have risen prior to the 5k we did...however...it did not. Although - I am happy to save - motivation is here and I think it all has to do with the 5k we did together AND the sunny frickin' weather we are having in Portland! I really haven't realized how much the rain and cold has affected me this year until now. Post-partem hormones - shit - add 8 months of rain and you get one depressed chick!!
Hopefully I am better now.
I feel better.
So - I was wondering something...but I want to first say that I absolutely loved being able to do the 5k with my girlies!. I miss having female companionship out here in Portland...and it was just so terribly nice to be around my friends for an hour doing something with a couple thousand other women. It was just really great. I hope that all of you remember to save time for your friends. I now life gets super busy and we get wrapped up into our own little world - but - it is good to keep the friends there by you as much as possible. Get together and just have fun and be young again without the everyday stresses of life. Don't talk about your kids, talk about nothing and just go and do something new and exciting. Take a pottery class. Make yard ornaments out of objects from Goodwill. Be creative and feminine together.
Okay - now on to the wondering something portion. I was wonering if we would like to submit questions to answer for this blog. Not a 20 something list or tell us about yourself kind of crap - we can email that so I can promptly delete it...but where it is more of a chance to gather one thought and write about it. Something that you would see out of a college writing class...an essay of sorts. Essay's from our personal points of view to share with the world.
Let me know what you think and in the meantime I will propose the first essay topic: What did you come here to do?
Take the topic however you may, dwell on it, stew on it, spend 2 seconds on it...but write about it and post. Take your time. But post it. Share it
.
Hopefully I am better now.
I feel better.
So - I was wondering something...but I want to first say that I absolutely loved being able to do the 5k with my girlies!. I miss having female companionship out here in Portland...and it was just so terribly nice to be around my friends for an hour doing something with a couple thousand other women. It was just really great. I hope that all of you remember to save time for your friends. I now life gets super busy and we get wrapped up into our own little world - but - it is good to keep the friends there by you as much as possible. Get together and just have fun and be young again without the everyday stresses of life. Don't talk about your kids, talk about nothing and just go and do something new and exciting. Take a pottery class. Make yard ornaments out of objects from Goodwill. Be creative and feminine together.
Okay - now on to the wondering something portion. I was wonering if we would like to submit questions to answer for this blog. Not a 20 something list or tell us about yourself kind of crap - we can email that so I can promptly delete it...but where it is more of a chance to gather one thought and write about it. Something that you would see out of a college writing class...an essay of sorts. Essay's from our personal points of view to share with the world.
Let me know what you think and in the meantime I will propose the first essay topic: What did you come here to do?
Take the topic however you may, dwell on it, stew on it, spend 2 seconds on it...but write about it and post. Take your time. But post it. Share it
.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
back in the saddle
again a big thanks to jes for motivating me to get up on a Sunday morning at 5:30. honestly tho i was up early anyway worrying that i was cooking up a third halfling to add to the already overwhelming brood we've got going now. Luckily, I'm in the clear. I say luckily because I'm just starting to feel sane, health-wise -- even as the youngest moves into her pre-language frustration gutteral howl phase. There just isn't enough of me to go around as it is. God know what he/she is doing, that's clear.
so i've been planting up a storm attempting to get the yards in some kind of order. Last summer was a bust on that and the summer before as well. in the process, i think it's keeping me active enough to kick my metabolism into a gear a bit. I'm finding myself more motivated to forego the sweets and just play outside instead -- which is a welcome change let me tell you.
i've still not dropped a size which is my measure. And I'm not really even close, but I feel better. I have a friend who ran her first half marathon after losing 125 pounds. She's inspiring me to think about running. Something I've always hated but, lots of things have changed -- like my metabolism -- but it's worth considering. If nothing else, I'd like to do more 5ks so it doesn't make my face purple to walk 3 25 min miles. Ugh.
so i've been planting up a storm attempting to get the yards in some kind of order. Last summer was a bust on that and the summer before as well. in the process, i think it's keeping me active enough to kick my metabolism into a gear a bit. I'm finding myself more motivated to forego the sweets and just play outside instead -- which is a welcome change let me tell you.
i've still not dropped a size which is my measure. And I'm not really even close, but I feel better. I have a friend who ran her first half marathon after losing 125 pounds. She's inspiring me to think about running. Something I've always hated but, lots of things have changed -- like my metabolism -- but it's worth considering. If nothing else, I'd like to do more 5ks so it doesn't make my face purple to walk 3 25 min miles. Ugh.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Big news
Hi girls! I am so glad to see some posts out here. I have missed you all and I have missed posting too.
I have been very busy the last few weeks. As I have mentioned, my life has been ever changing over the last 15 months or so. I have felt like someone took my 52 cards and threw them up in the air. I have been watching and waiting as they slowly fall to the table. And I am happy to annouce that I think they are all falling right into place.
I accepted a new job this week. It is truly very close to being a dream job for me. I am so incredibly excited. I gave notice at my current job today and start my new gig on 5/11. I had to decide if doing something that made me happy was worth taking a pretty big cut in pay and working even more hours. Guess what?!?!? It is. I may have to make some drastic changes in my life (like selling my house FSBO in this awful market), but I already feel so much better! Please let me know if you know anyone in the market for a great house, awesome neighborhood and convenient location!
The finances are working themselves out. I still feel like I am on a really good path, but my progress will be drastically slowing here in a few weeks due to the pay cut. But again, it is worth it! I cannot wait to do something that has me excited to get out of bed every morning. My current job may pay a lot more (20%), but I am not passionate about it - at all! This new company is stable and has a product that I truly believe in.
On the weight front I am down about 40 lbs. I was down even more before the easter bunny paid us a visit - dang bunny! But the good news is that I am back on track. As for the mother's day walk....I'm not sure if I am going to make it. My goal is to be there, but I am going to have to fly out of town for my first day of work/orientation that afternoon. I want to make sure that I get some good time in with little Mo and my mom and grandma. I will let you know next week. If I do make it I will be walking, so you will not be alone Tea!
Well, I need to head for bed. I have had a crazy week at work and I had an emergency root canal this morning. My tooth was killing me last fall and they couldn't find anything wrong. It got better, but for the last few weeks I have been having killer headaches and I got a big bump on my gums, but my tooth felt fine. I wrote it off as allergies/sinus stuff after talking to my doc, but went to the dentist earlier this week just in case. It was absessed and I couldn't get away from work until today. Needless to say it was really bad - they had to send me to a specialist and even he thought it was pretty nasty. I am hoping to feel better tomorrow and be able to return some calls - sorry I have been so hard to reach.
Good luck girls and keep up the good work!
Mo
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
I'm officially....
COMMITTED. No, not that way... but perhaps, I should be?
http://www.mothersdayrun.com/index.html
http://www.mothersdayrun.com/index.html
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