Friday, June 5, 2009


So we are to write, or was asked to write, to answer the question 'What are you here to do?'. I've had several drafts of my response to this question but haven't gotten far. Or, maybe I have gotten far but it seems a jarbled bunch of words of response.

Then this morning I found out that a girl that I went to high-school with and played softball with in 5th grade and 6th grade and some in high-school - a friend, but one that I did not stay in touch with - has throat cancer which has now spread to her lungs and lymph nodes. She just had a baby a month ago.

Memories of her in school and us as kids have been flooding back all this morning and my heart not only breaks because of the most likely outcome of this but that her baby girl will not have her mother here. She will have to depend on the memories of those around her. The whole thing breaks my heart.

This question that was posed, has new meaning for me this morning or maybe, after reading my drafts, some things that I have been thinking about are now at the forefront of my thinking versus somewhere jarbled in the middle. The past few days, we have been coming up with various scenarios of what to do once my husband is laid-off...and other entry-level jobs that we wanted in the aviation/helicopter world are now out of reach due to minimum requirements being upped. We have had a strong pull to go back to KC but our commitment has to be with his career. Thinking about starting a school in KC so that he can get additional hours, etc., me find a decent job...I will stop there. Just understand that we have a lot of plates in the air right now.

Last night I watched something that made me want to leave the US and live elsewhere. It came at a good time due to contemplating some other opportunities outside the US for my husband. It got me to thinking...I've been wanting to stay home with my son for quite a while now. I've been taking steps to declutter our life and live a simple life. I've been wanting to just concentrate on my family and creating a good life for us. Right now though - with student loans, credit card bills, house payments, car payments, health care payments...well, how do I get to where I want without the fear of losing it all?

I think the answer to the question 'What are you here to do?' is right in front of me. I am here to support my family. To make sure that each day I have with them is a great day. To not worry about the things at work. To make sure that I am the one that will tuck them in bed at night or lie next to them. To make love to my husband. To cherish and to remind my friends and family that we have one shot at this - make it something that you want, not what is expected of you.

The question became very simple really.

I hope that my old friend has cherished everything. I'm sure that she has. I'm sure because she has always been like that. And I have to thank her.

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