Springtime and humor in my brain (only)

It's been a rough winter, not necessarily completely for myself, but for many around me as well. One friend had the worst possible loss in her life which seemed to be the catalyst for the rest of the "season". My other half is facing possible loss of a parent in the (hopefully, not so near) future. My "sister" & myself have had the possibility & dreams of little munchkins dancing in our heads & bellies only to have the ovens blow their fuses and refuse to cook the buns. I'm back on track of extreme disorganization and apathy. I'm even angrier because in the big picture...I have no right to be on that track. I have family close by, food in my fridge, a car to drive and a roof over my head. My "kids" are fuzzy and I love them that way.

And now it is spring.

Time to see the blooms of what was buried last year. Time to dig and bury things to bloom for us later. Time to remove the dead growth to allow the path for the new sprouts. Extensions & variations of last year's picture, not quite the same... but not quite lost either. Morphing, changing, growing....

To kick off the spring here's a funny that I must tell someone but I didn't know who...so I'm kicking it off to webspace. The "oven" apparently hasn't reset yet but I figured I'd go pick up some pregnancy tests in the meanwhile -- just to do some preliminary testing and to not have to make an extra trip when I might need them. In the Dollar store, I went towards the counter -- not too many people around, just one lady waiting for her daughter to make up her mind. In the process, one clerk behind the counter asked if I was ready. I discreetly (major embarrassment here) halfway pointed and said "5 tests please". Yes, I was so chicken and couldn't quite spit out the "pregnancy" part of that! There was a guy to my left who had been chatting up the sales girls - his eyes got wide and he said "five??!!!" What are..." The other clerk hissed for him to shut up and the second one stifled a giggle. Somewhere in 2 seconds, I got bravery...I grinned really big and said "yeah, we're having a party!" (like I said, this could only be funny in my head...) His next comment was "I want to come!" The clerk girls lost it at that point, one apologised to me and the other told him it was a "girls only" party and told me to have a nice day. I kinda got the gist that this guy wasn't running on all cylinders but he certainly had made my day anyway. I hope I didn't warp him.

In memory of old blossoms that have faded from our view...Here's to spring, and new growth....I raise a tulip!

School Pictures...

TODAY!! WHeeeeeeeeeeee!


I feel like I'm 6.

I WILL CONVINCE MYSELF....

That I am doing good... I had my first (unsuccessful) garage sale. Actually, it was successful - just not as profitable as I would have thought. I feel good that I donated the rest of the stuff to a local second hand store that benefits the local high school arts program. I feel good that I have lots of stuff out of my basement. I feel good that I have now made the decision to take a big box of stuff to them whenever it fills up. Win-win-win all the way around! The "water" of life is flowing and I have removed part of the stagnation.

We painted our house about 2 years ago, with the exception of the dormers that are 80 million feet in the air. It seemed to be a mystery of how to get those scraped, repaired and painted -- our ladders didn't reach. I couldn't devise a safe enough method with ropes to crawl out on the roof -- too steep. I'm too cheap to pay someone else to do it. We thought of renting an extension bucket but that would only work on one side of the house as we couldn't gain access to the other. Then the gods smiled upon us. D borrowed a hugemongous ladder that extends 60 feet in the air from work. With this, we were able to extend it out and match the pitch of the roof. Then we were able to climb right up and have "steps" along the dormer. We...uh... Me. My darling hubby does not do heights. I must've spent too much time in trees as a youth because being up that high is almost calming. Either way, slow going ...but I almost have one side done. The other side will be this weekend. =)

House done, check. Next project - driveway & tires for the car.

Current diet project: revamping the acidity and alkline balance of my body. Current status: failed. I just ate a donut without thinking. Damn those Krispy Kremes!! I'm attempting a 3 week hard-core regime. 80% akline foods, 20% acidic, no pop, preservative ladden junk food or candy sugars. Seeing as I normally eat at least 2 pieces of candy, 4 servings of dairy and 2 servings of meat a day....the task is ENORMOUS. Veggies & fruit are killing me. Must make the garage friendly.

Finances: chip. chip. chip... chip. chip. chip. chip.... chip....

I WILL CONVINCE MYSELF....

Alright

I know it is summer and I know that you are all quite busy...but get to bloggin' girls!

I found Terra's response on the last post very interesting and a wonderful little insight into her world/life. I also found answering the question quite hard and had many drafts going at once. It was a thinker...

So - right now I am going thru some things regarding my dad. I can discuss on here because he doesn't read this blog...thank gawd. It has been so stressful this visit that I ended up writing him a letter. I haven't decided if I will mail this letter or just rip it up for a feeling of catharsis. The letter was written for either to happen. When I wrote the letter I realized that it had been 15 years that he has popped in and out of my life - staying with me over summers, eating all of my food, using my computer, phone, cell phone, car, etc. with an attitude of entitlement. Granted he has helped in different situations but boy do I end up paying for it - thus the attitude of entitlement. I also feel completely encroached upon and violated. Nothing that I have is mine when he is here - it is his. Even furniture that I have had for over 18 years that was his at one point in time - he reminds me that it is his and that I should be grateful that I have it. I feel violated that he is on my computer and goes thru my files looking for pictures. I put a stop to that one. He answers our phone and then offers to call people back. WHAT? GET OUT OF MY LIFE! Then when I tell him it is none of his business and that I am an adult and he needs to get out of my business he gets mad and tells me that he is just trying to help. UGH!

So, I have a lot of thinking to do in the next several months before summer happens again. I don't want this to go on anymore. After seeing the 15 years - it just made me sick. And realizing that he did the same thing to me in college with 5 roommates around...makes me even sicker. He seems to think that it is okay to try and continue to control me by manipulation. Well, no longer. It may be a bit painful to do - but I figure it is like a really crusty bloody bandaide that is festering - and it must be ripped off and thrown in the trash.

How will you live the rest of your adult life with your parents? How will you treat your children when they are all grown up? What will you do differently?

May 19th or June 9th?

Apparently, no computer savy in my "being". I completed a draft 6/9 but it flipped down to May 19th since I started it then... Happy reading. =)

Perspective

So we are to write, or was asked to write, to answer the question 'What are you here to do?'. I've had several drafts of my response to this question but haven't gotten far. Or, maybe I have gotten far but it seems a jarbled bunch of words of response.

Then this morning I found out that a girl that I went to high-school with and played softball with in 5th grade and 6th grade and some in high-school - a friend, but one that I did not stay in touch with - has throat cancer which has now spread to her lungs and lymph nodes. She just had a baby a month ago.

Memories of her in school and us as kids have been flooding back all this morning and my heart not only breaks because of the most likely outcome of this but that her baby girl will not have her mother here. She will have to depend on the memories of those around her. The whole thing breaks my heart.

This question that was posed, has new meaning for me this morning or maybe, after reading my drafts, some things that I have been thinking about are now at the forefront of my thinking versus somewhere jarbled in the middle. The past few days, we have been coming up with various scenarios of what to do once my husband is laid-off...and other entry-level jobs that we wanted in the aviation/helicopter world are now out of reach due to minimum requirements being upped. We have had a strong pull to go back to KC but our commitment has to be with his career. Thinking about starting a school in KC so that he can get additional hours, etc., me find a decent job...I will stop there. Just understand that we have a lot of plates in the air right now.

Last night I watched something that made me want to leave the US and live elsewhere. It came at a good time due to contemplating some other opportunities outside the US for my husband. It got me to thinking...I've been wanting to stay home with my son for quite a while now. I've been taking steps to declutter our life and live a simple life. I've been wanting to just concentrate on my family and creating a good life for us. Right now though - with student loans, credit card bills, house payments, car payments, health care payments...well, how do I get to where I want without the fear of losing it all?

I think the answer to the question 'What are you here to do?' is right in front of me. I am here to support my family. To make sure that each day I have with them is a great day. To not worry about the things at work. To make sure that I am the one that will tuck them in bed at night or lie next to them. To make love to my husband. To cherish and to remind my friends and family that we have one shot at this - make it something that you want, not what is expected of you.

The question became very simple really.

I hope that my old friend has cherished everything. I'm sure that she has. I'm sure because she has always been like that. And I have to thank her.

Posed Question: What did you come here to do?

Obviously, I did not come here to finish this post as it has now been 3 weeks since I started it. I am here to be a smart-alec, of course! To be mysterious, intimidating, immoveable and stubborn and amazing... or so I've heard. La, la, la.


I had to chuckle at the question because of the warped path my brain took in answering it. The question made me think of my brother & myself. It made me think of our separate personalities and the vastly different ways we are able to navigate this life. It made me think of his frustration with me as a little sister which is actually a two-fold admiration. I think he holds me in high regards most of the time but has no clue in the understanding of how I am.

I consider my brother a "searcher". Even when given the answer, he would still look further. He has this unsatisfaction to him, an unacceptance. He, however, has not figured out to use this in a positive light. We're not talking about striving to prove something wrong...more like "the world is wrong". I hope in his next life he learns how to "just be".

As far back as I can remember, I've always been a self-entertained child. I know I was inquisitive to some extent because I now consider myself fairly intelligent and know my parents were/are of the teaching sort. I would have had to be curious about things. I also know that I thought a lot. I would take information and "go away for processing". And then I would play. =) I had/have a lot of acceptance with things. I tie a lot of nature into everyday processes & I associate animal interaction with human interaction. I've learned that I have a delayed reaction with situations because it allows me to avoid reacting the unnecessary way and to have time to see more about the circumstances that may be hidden. I do have brief and fleeting struggles with the way I am occasionally as I wonder if I should be "doing more." I worry about my lack of drive to be at the top of the ladder in business, or wasting my potential. Like I said - fleeting. I know I can prop that ladder up against my house and climb to the top any day. I know I can absolutely kill the business world and explode my potential. I also know I would be unhappy in the rat-race. It's the checks and balances that we all have to have with ourselves - to be able to know ourselves, make decisions for our happiness and to have acceptance that we are doing the right thing. The truths are the hinges.

Most of today's society will not understand or accept simplicity. The media and advertising bombards us with solutions for "problems" that we have, (or will soon have because we're thinking about it constantly with the commercials blared every 5 minutes). We are taught to "strive for the best", "climb to the top", "give it your all", "get in there and just do it". While I certainly agree, these ideas are positive and must be tried in certain situations...they should not be the fabric of our daily lives. They've created the "super woman" of the 21st century that has no time for anything. I think this has been the foundation of the stress level of today's society. Initially, these mantras or mentalities may be the cause for our progression in industry, business, global communication, and every innovation of the 21st century but when do we slow down and have our "Sunday"? Where is the day of rest?

So here is my answer to the question "What did you come here to do?"

Simply put: "To be."